Three Questions to Ask Your Wedding Officiant

Planning a wedding can be a wonderful thing, and it also brings it own challenges.  What venue do we choose? What type of cake, reception, guests, photographer, and honeymoon. Getting the right vendors can truly make or break your special day. There is one other choice that is incredibly important for a couple to make.  This vendor may be the most important one to even start with.  Your wedding officiant.

With the invention of the internet, we also have many more “ministers” that are ordained to officiate weddings. Many are legitimate and there are many that are… well I’d say questionable. In my research for this blog, I actually came across one I would call questionable, and without calling their name out, let’s just say they are based on an Italian pasta and meatball dinner.

Many of these type of questionable places are not faith based, nor do they follow any specific Biblical principles for marriage.  They are a quick fly-by-night site that will give you the “legal” ability to preform a wedding in your area but miss out on the most important part of a wedding and marriage; placing God at the center of the relationship. This is why I felt lead to write this article and share with you some thoughts on the most important things you should be looking at in your wedding officiant.

1.     Where are you ordained from?

If you are looking outside your own church, or perhaps you don’t have a home church, searching for your minister should be your first step.  Don’t be afraid to ask them questions about where they received their ordination, and if they are still in good standing with their organization.  The organization I have been ordained through requires me to update my license each year.  They ask me specific questions about my walk with God, ensure I have not been convicted of crimes, I am not living a life in sin, and more.

Make sure their statement of faith aligns with your own faith.  Don’t be afraid to even ask them what denomination that are affiliated with.  I, for example, am non-denomination affiliated as I prefer to reach specifically from the Bible and not so much on rules or regulations from various churches.  I am not saying any of them are wrong, it is my preference.

2. Do you offer pre-marriage educaton?

Pre-marriage education is a vital part of getting married.  The importance of having pre-marriage education should not be overlooked nor should it be taken lightly. Many ministers and churches require it as a part of their officiant duties. It is by far the most important step in preparing for marriage. Studies show that couples that engage in pre-marriage education have a 31% decrease in the odds of divorce. Couples report their marriage is happy and rewarding.

Make sure your minister offers detailed education in finances, communication, love and sex, conflict resolution, and your faith walk together. There are some officiants that will meet and talk about a few things but ask them what you will get out of the discussions.  And don’t be afraid to shop around for good pre-marriage education.  In fact, you are more than able to go to someone else for the education, and that coach or counselor can work with your minister to keep them in the loop of how everything is going.

3.     Are we able to customize our ceremony so it feels like a reflection of us?

Your wedding should be focused on the two of you.  It is one of the most important days of your lives, and the wedding should reflect you and your relationship. You want to make sure that your minister is not using any generic script to perform the ceremony but instead provides elements of you both in the ceremony.  This is also another great reason to get involved in pre-marriage education. 

I love it when I get to know my couples and customize their wedding.  I may use elements we have discussed such as how they met, their strength, and so forth in the ceremony, while also maintaining the integrity of confidentiality (as a minister I am bound by confidentiality). 

If you have specific things you want to add into the ceremony, this is also where customization comes into play.  Are you doing a unity candle? Do you want guests to come to the altar and pray over you? Do you have a singer, or specific music you want played?  All of this is important to make your day as special as the two of you are.

Conclusion

Your wedding officiant is probably the most important element for your special day.  Think about that.  You can have anything you want food wise at the reception.  Your photographer can take a thousand pictures.  But your officiant is the one that is actually setting you off on the right path for your wedding, your relationship, and your walk with God.  You can even get married without the food and the pictures, but you simply cannot get married without someone standing there for the all important “I Do’s”.  Be sure you get to know the person who will be there to say “I now pronounce you…”.